Would it improve your life to act as if you create all of the joys and sorrows in your life? Answer “YES!” and see that belief improve your life.
In this activity you will practice the language of personal responsibility. By learning to translate Victim statements into Creator statements, you will master the language of successful people.
On the right side of the line, translate the Victim statements into the words of a Creator. The two keys to Creator language are taking ownership of a problem and taking positive actions to solve it. When you respond as if you are responsible for a bad situation, then you are empowered to do something about it (unlike Victims, who must wait for someone else to solve their problems).
|Victim Language||Creator Language|
|1. If they’d do something about the parking on campus, I wouldn’t be late so often.
2. I’m failing my online class because the site is impossible to navigate.
3. I’m too shy to ask questions in class even when I’m confused.
4. She’s a lousy instructor. That’s why I failed the first test.
5. I hate group projects because people are lazy and I always end up doing most of the work.
6. I wish I could write better, but I just can’t.
7. My friend got me so angry that I can’t even study for the exam.
8. I’ll try to do my best this semester.
9. The financial aid form is too complicated to fill out.
10. I work nights so I didn’t have time to do the assignment.
|1. I can start riding my bike to school or walk. I need the exercise!
2. I will spend some extra time today to learn more all of the functions it provides.
3. I’m going to challenge myself to ask at least one question in class when I am confused.
4. I can meet with my instructor or a tutor about my test and figure out how to solve the answers I got wrong.
5. I can work closely with my classmates that are struggling to do their portion of the assignment. Maybe they are confused, or something happened that is making it hard for them to do their portion?
6. I’m going to set up and appointment at the writing center to see how I can improve my weaknesses in my writing.
7. I will take a walk around the temple and ponder about things for a few minutes, I’ll start to feel more relaxed enough to study for my exam.
8. I am going to do my best this semester.
9. I will go to the financial aid office, they may be able to help me fill out this form
10. I am going to and complete my assignment before or after work. I can probably work on it during my breaks!
What did you learn about how you use language: Is it your habit to speak as a Victim or as a Creator? Do you find yourself more inclined to blame yourself, blame others, or seek solutions? Be sure to give examples. What is your goal for language usage from now on? How, specifically will you accomplish this goal?
I definitely used to speak like a victim. Now, the majority of my language is more as a creator. There are times when I may still have a victim attitude, but I work really hard to keep a creative mindset. I find myself with the desire to blame others, but with the knowledge that it is my own doing.
For instance, this past Wednesday I had taken an exam for my Healthcare Finance class. I worked harder then ever to make sure that I new everything that I could and prepared the best I could for it. In fact, I learned the information so well that I happened to be the seconded person in the class to turn it in. I was so surprised that I was the second person, I have not been the second person to turn in a text or quiz since 7th grade in middle school (Yes I remember that far back, It was a big moment for me then as well). I think it was that thought processes that overwhelmed my mind so much, I completely disregarded the “scratch paper” which consisted of my complete and perfect income statement and 4 additional problems. I even went up to the professor and asked her if we needed to turn in the scratch paper to which she said with confidence, “no”. I then proceeded to place my packet on the table without the “scratch paper”. I didn’t find out I did this until the TA emailed me asking if I had done the income statement portion of the test and that he couldn’t find it any where he looked. I confessed to my fault as quickly as a realized it. I could have blamed it on him, but didn’t. I could have blamed the professor for telling me it that we didn’t need to turn in the “scratch paper”. Instead, I emailed my professor, met up with her, and told her my situation. I told her I would rewrite it for her with even less information then she provided or anything she would like for me to have the chance to make it up. She then said that she would think about it and work to determine what would be fair to class. I was again disappointed at her response, but I thought, “At least she is willing to think about it”. At this point in time I am still waiting for her decision.
As for a new goal, I would really like to work to eliminate my desire to blame others. I really don’t like having to fight that temptation as much. It makes it so much easier to blame other people rather than accepting personal accountability.
“Making dreams become a reality requires great sacrifice and determination.” You can’t go around and tell people you are going to be a surgeon and not put forth the effort in doing so. This doesn’t mean that you sacrifice family, integrity, or religion to do so; it means that you are going to have to put forth painstaking effort to achieve that dream. My dream was to be the first member in my family to achieve a Bachelor degree. This is my last semester of my undergrad. It was a trial of failures, adversity, doubt, and mental persistence, but I have been able to achieve more then I thought I could have imagined. It is true that, “adversity determines our character.”
Once I became a mother I learned to focus more on my actions. My family didn’t believe that I was going to able to graduate because I had a baby that I needed to care for. That’s why when Brother Huntsman said, “Remember you will always be told no and you will always go back and go back and go back.” I couldn’t help relate that there have been numerous things in my life that people have told me I couldn’t do them and I persevered. My actions became much more important as I new not only my children would be watching them, but as well as my family and Heavenly Father. Priorities became viable.
I loved Hinckley’s priority order with our eternal spouse first, then children, employer, church calling, and health and fitness. Something that I feel as though I need to do better at is putting my spouse first. I feel as though I know my spouse is first, but treat him as if he is second. When I know I’m first in his life, then come our children. This is something I need to ponder on how I can make better.
“We must remember that without integrity, nothing else matters, and that with integrity nothing else matters.”
“Personal integrity shaped and fashioned and molded to a great extent, by adversity and personal trials, determines the person or individual we represent to others.”
Hinckley’s Priority order
- Our eternal Spouse
- Our eternal Children
- Loyalty to our employer
- Commitment to our church calling
- Attention to ones personal fitness and health
Greatest areas a person must need in business
- A person must be teachable
“People will never by products for products sake, they buy the product because they like the person selling it. They Like the business because they enjoy and respect the person who is running that business.”
All quotes taken from a devotional at BYU-I by Jon Huntsman
Read the following statements and score each one according to how true or false you believe it is about you. To get an accurate picture of yourself, consider what is true about you (not what you want to be true). Remember, there are no right or wrong answers. Assign each statement a number from 0 to 10, as follows:
Totally false 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Totally true
1.__10__I control how successful I will be.
- _0___I’m not sure why I’m in college.
- __7__I spend most of my time doing important things.
- __7__When I encounter a challenging problem, I try to solve it by myself.
- _3___When I get off course from my goals and dreams, I realize it right away.
- __3__I’m not sure how I learn best.
- __5__Whether I’m happy or not depends mostly on me.
- __0__I’ll truly accept myself only after I eliminate my faults and weaknesses.
- __0__Forces out of my control (such as poor teaching) are the cause of low grades receive in school.
- __10__I place great value on getting my college degree.
- __1__I don’t need to write things down because I can remember what I need to do.
- __6__I have a network of people in my life that I can count on for help.
- __5__If I have habits that hinder my success, I’m not sure what they are.
- __4__When I don’t like the way an instructor teaches, I know how to learn the subject anyway.
- _8___When I get very angry, sad, or afraid, I do or say things that create a problem for me.
- __3__When I think about performing an upcoming challenge (such as taking a test), I usually see myself doing well.
- __7__When I have a problem, I take positive actions to find a solution.
- __8__I don’t know how to set effective short-term and long-term goals.
- __8__I am organized.
- __9__When I take a difficult course in school, I study alone.
- __8__I’m aware of beliefs I have that hinder my success.
- __3__I’m not sure how to think critically and analytically about complex topics.
- __5__When choosing between doing an important school assignment or something really fun, I do the school assignment.
- __3__I break promises that I make to myself or to others.
- __0__I make poor choices that keep me from getting what I really want in life.
- __9__I expect to do well in my college classes.
- __3__I lack self-discipline.
- __8__I listen carefully when other people are talking.
- __0__I’m stuck with any habits of mine that hinder my success.
- __7__When I face a disappointment (such as failing a test), I ask myself, “What lesson can I learn here?”
- __5__I often feel bored, anxious, or depressed.
- __5__I feel just as worthwhile as any other person.
- __0__Forces outside of me (such as luck or other people) control how successful I will be.
- __10__College is an important step on the way to accomplishing my goals and dreams.
- __3__I spend most of my time doing unimportant things.
- __5__When I encounter a challenging problem, I ask for help.
- __4__I can be off course from my goals and dreams for quite a while without realizing it.
- __8__I know how I learn best.
- __0__My happiness depends mostly on what’s happened to me lately.
- __8__I accept myself just as I am, even with my faults and weaknesses.
- __10__I am the cause of low grades I receive in school.
- __2__If I lose my motivation in college, I don’t know how I’ll get it back.
- __0__I have a written self-management system that helps me get important things done on time.
- __5__I know very few people whom I can count on for help.
- __8__I’m aware of the habits I have that hinder my success.
- __2__If I don’t like the way an instructor teaches, I’ll probably do poorly in the course.
- __4__When I’m very angry, sad, or afraid, I know how to manage my emotions so I don’t do anything I’ll regret later.
- __5__When I think about performing an upcoming challenge (such as taking a test), I usually see myself doing poorly.
- __3__When I have a problem, I complain, blame others, or make excuses.
- __6__I know how to set effective short-term and long-term goals.
- __2__I am disorganized. I
- __4__When I take a difficult course in school, I find a study partner or join a study group.
- __2__I’m unaware of beliefs I have that hinder my success.
- _7___I know how to think critically and analytically about complex topics.
- __7__I often feel happy and fully alive.
- __8__I keep promises that I make to myself or to others.
- __7__When I have an important choice to make, I use a decision-making process that analyzes possible options and their likely outcomes.
- __0__I don’t expect to do well in my college classes.
- __8__I am a self-disciplined person.
- __7__I get distracted easily when other people are talking.
- __5__ know how to change habits of mine that hinder my success.
- __5__When I face a disappointment (such as failing a test), I feel pretty helpless.
- ___5_When choosing between doing an important school assignment or something really fun, I usually do something fun.
- ___8_I feel less worthy than other people.
Transfer your scores to the scoring sheets on the next page. For each of the eight areas, total your scores in columns A and B. Then total your final scores as shown in the sample on the next page.
Self-Assessment Scoring Sheet
Choices of Successful Students
Successful Students… Struggling Students…
|accept personal responsibility, seeing themselves as the primary cause of their outcomes and experiences.||see themselves as victims, believing what happens to them is determined primarily by external forces such as fate, luck, and
|discover self-motivation, finding purpose in their lives by discovering personally meaningful goals and dreams.||have difficulty sustaining motivation, often feeling depressed, frustrated, and/or resentful about a lack of direction in their lives.|
|master self-management, consistently planning and taking purposeful actions in pursuit of their goals and dreams.||seldom identify specific actions needed to accomplish a desired outcome, and when they do, they tend to procrastinate.|
|employ interdependence, building mutually supportive relationships that help them achieve their goals and dreams (while helping others do the same).||are solitary, seldom requesting, even rejecting, offers of assistance from those who could help.|
|gain self-awareness, consciously employing behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes that keep them on course.||make important choices unconsciously, being directed by self-
sabotaging habits and outdated life scripts.
|adopt lifelong learning, finding valuable lessons and wisdom in
nearly every experience they have.
|resist learning new ideas and skills, viewing learning as fearful
or boring rather than as mental play.
|develop emotional intelligence, effectively managing their emotions in support of their goals and dreams.||live at the mercy of strong emotions such as anger, depression, anxiety, or a need for instant gratification.|
|believe in themselves, seeing themselves as capable, lovable,
and unconditionally worthy human beings.
|doubt their competence and personal value, feeling inadequate to create their desired outcomes and experiences.|
INTERPRETING YOUR SCORES
A score of …
0-39 Indicates an area where your choices will seldom keep you on course.
40-63 Indicates an area where your choices will sometimes keep you on course.
64-80 Indicates an area where your choices will usually keep you on course.
___71__ 1. Accepting personal responsibility
___65__ 2. Discovering self-motivation
___54__ 3. Mastering self-management
___35__ 4. Employing interdependence
___53__ 5. Gaining self-awareness
__53___ 6. Adopting lifelong learning
___43__ 7. Emotional Intelligence
__48___ 8. Believing in myself
By doing the self-assessment, I learned that I ….”
Last semester, I had taken a leadership class and we talked a lot about accepting personal responsibility and motivation. It is probably because of that class that my paradigm shifted so greatly in those areas. I do believe those top 1,2, and, 3 are great qualities that need to be present in a leader. It made me really happy to see that I accept personal responsibility so well, it took a lot of work for me to get there, but I’m glad I did. As far as discovering self-motivation, I feel like this is something that I have had to do for myself throughout the course of my life. In fact, my biggest motivator is proving people wrong. That motivates me to make sure I succeed in what ever path or goal I choose.
By doing the self-assessment, I learned that I really need to work on employing Interdependence. I was my lowest of all of the scores. I thought this was something that I was at least ok at, but now I am aware and will start to look more into strengthening that “weakness”. It seems to be the only on below the 40 mark next to believing in my self. I find it very interesting that I do well at self-motivation, but lack in believing in myself. You would think that the two would be closely intertwined. Such as the quote, “In order to succeed, we must first believe we can”. I think that I have struggled more with interdependence because of the way I grew up. Now, I don’t believe that the way you grew up makes you who you are, but I do believe that there are things you may need to change about yourself because of the way you grew up. I always had to be the one to do things for myself. With a power driven mother and an alcoholic father, there wasn’t much availability in asking for help.